Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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