it hurts more in the daytime
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
