why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize