Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
