Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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