I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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