Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
