she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I am never drinking with the goths again.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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