sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize