I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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