Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
