her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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