shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Couch. On fire.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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