OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just cropdusted the office
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
