I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
