Its about making memories worth repressing
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
