It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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