When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize