god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
