It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
