At least make sure they are 18
Why
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
