Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
