NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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