You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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