you have to choose: penises or morals?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
