We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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