I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
