People in love make me want to vomit
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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