He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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