"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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