Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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