His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
