i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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