If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
