hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
