I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
sarcasm needs its own font
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
