It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
