nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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