I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
