Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
