he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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