does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
