okay pat passed out under dana's car
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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