Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
