She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
