Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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