I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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