My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
3pm strippers are depressing
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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