i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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