Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
