So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
