Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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