I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
