Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
