Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
