Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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