My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We got so high we made milksteak
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
