I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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