he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
