We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
