i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
