I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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