If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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