Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
