First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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