Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize