just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
NoShamevember. You game?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize