She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
