Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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