He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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