the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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