he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
