I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
