we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
