Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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