i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
