I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
