imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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