DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
