K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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