My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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