so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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