fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
