Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
