what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
