How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
