i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
