Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
