dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
