I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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