I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
