Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
