how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
