my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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