Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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